Deep Confusion

How can I possibly express the depth of my confusion?
Our friendship seems to lie in ruins– is it really just illusion?
Do I truly see or does rejection blind my tear filled eyes?
If things are fine then why are you so deaf to my heart’s cries?  

There was a time when both our souls basked in sunshine glorious.
No trouble overcame us then– like hearts remained victorious.
The sun, the moon, the stars, seemed all amazed at our communion.
And time took flight by day or night in the joy of our reunions.  

We trusted one another with our lifelong joys and sorrows.
Never vowed but oft implied we’d be there all tomorrows.
We laughed and shared delight because our likenesses were many.
For things to disagree about, we sought and found not any. 

But then, with no forewarning, you turned away from me.
Suddenly, there was no time for friendly company.
I repeatedly tried to reach you, hoping for relief,
But, avoidance and denial just added to my grief. 

And deep confusion… 

Cherel S. Justice

I want my blog to be primarilty about encouragement. This poem, at first glance, may seem to be a downer but we all go through painful times in our lives and being honest about that helps us work through the pain. Just knowing someone else has been there too, often helps us refocus and move on.

So, let me encourage you. If you are currently dealing with relational pain that you don’t understand and honestly feel you don’t deserve, I hope this poem lets you see your plight through new eyes. People are free agents. We may not ever understand why they make the choices they make and we certainly can’t control them– and don’t even want to. 

Moving on involves making personal choices for your own sake. The deep confusion will linger as long as you keep waiting for the other party to open up and share the reasons for their inexplicable behavior. If they are capable of explaining their behavior but won’t, what does that say about your relationship with them? If they are incapable of shedding some light on their behavior then their problems may be deeper than you can handle. At any rate, you are not required to linger forever in a state of emotional pain caused by chronic uncertainty. At some point, let yourself move on.

In moving on, don’t let yourself take responsibility for their issues and don’t beat yourself up for being a deeply sensitive and caring person. And, most of all, don’t give up on deep relationships. Your future is full of possibilities if you refuse to be bitter and remain open and hopeful. 

I’d love to hear from you if Deep Confusion speaks to you on any level.

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About Cherel

I love to read. I also enjoy journaling, writing poetry, sharing faith and encouragement with others, and blogging! Hope you are blessed by my site.
This entry was posted in Friendship, Poetry, Relationships and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Deep Confusion

  1. Karen Patrick says:

    I have been through this very thing with a loved one. You’re right – hearing that others have also been through it really helps. My experience made me feel isolated and ashamed. I felt how could someone just so completely reject me without my somehow sharing in the responsibility? I never could figure it out though, and I spent at least a year honestly trying. Giving everything you have, and then having it rejected makes you feel so inadequate. What could you ever give that would be good enough? Mike would often say to me “you know that’s just the devil telling you that.” And he was right. After you use the opportunity to examine your heart before God, you must build yourself back up and as you say, be open to deep relationships again. I guess all that is to say that I do find this posting encouraging and thanks for posting something so vulnerable.

  2. Cherel says:

    These heart issues are so painful as to be nearly beyond expression or sharing– for fear of further rejection or misunderstanding. So, it is very difficult to post something like this, but your response (along with another sent directly to me by email) lets me know it’s worthwhile. You used the the term “inadequate” to describe your feelings, I used the term “unacceptable” in another poem (called Unacceptable) about this same situation. We were describing the same heart wrenching feelings. Thank you for sharing your experience with me and other readers.

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